March 8, 2012  

4 year old needing help with things she used to do on her own

My almost 4 year old is reverting back to needing help with everything, things she was doing just a couple of months ago (getting dressed, wiping after the potty, buckling in the car seat). She refuses and wants me to do it for her. I’m sure it’s an attention/jealousy of the baby sister thing and I thought we were doing pretty well with that. But I guess not, Ideas?

July 14, 2011  

Sitting down to eat?

I’m wondering what others do at meal times for their toddlers. My 2 year old can’t seem to sit still and eat. This doesn’t surprise me at all – she’s two! But, should I continue to put her in a highchair or booster to keep her with us for “family meals”? I worry for 2 reasons: 1. the importance of family meals 2. will she be too busy to eat enough?

As it is now she takes a bite, runs to a toy, runs back and gets another bite, etc. She’s happy, she’s smiling. We don’t tell her “come eat!” she comes back on her own. At a friends house recently there was a “eating in the kitchen only” rule and Aellyn didn’t even understand it! lol. That doesn’t bother me as far as my kid being less “disciplined” than another since that is my intention! I know (? do you agree?) that I can’t stop her energy and need for movement and I wouldn’t want to because it is age appropriate. So I’m wondering if she’s still at an age where a highchair is better or let her roam free?

oh, also, she doesn’t hate the highchair so my question isn’t about “forcing” her into a highchair. She’ll happily sit in “her chair” if we ask her too.

July 5, 2011  

Letting kids write in books?

I’m a bibliophile to be sure. It makes my heart ache to see my daughter take her markers to her books but at the same time – they are her books. She’s having fun. I have keepsake books put away. Do you teach your kids not to write in books? Am I being a pushover or what?

July 5, 2011  

How Do I Explain Gentle Parenting?

When parenting comes up on it’s own with other parents I have no problem discussing it, but I get all flustered and lost when I have to explain why I’m not spanking my daughter or putting her in a time out when she has an altercation with another child.

She is not especially confrontational or violent or anything, but occasionally toy snatching and frusterations will occure whenever multiple toddlers are playing together. When the other parent is a friend or aquaintence that we’ll see again and I need to preserve my relationship with, I need to give some explanation if they’re frusterated and feel like I’m not taking the situation seriously.

I’m at a loss for a good way of wording it that’s to the point and makes sense without sounding like I’m too lenient or disrepecting their parenting choices. To say something like “Time outs are punative and blah blah blah” comes across (to me at least) as very judgmental of the fact that they do things differently than I do which is not my intention at all.

July 2, 2011  

Getting Daycare, Babysitters, and family on the same page…

I’m finding that my new found gentle style of parenting is not in line with how everyone around us cares for my kids. The baby is fine, she’s super cuddly and everyone is sweet on her, but my 3.5 year old, who is admittedly stubborn like her Mama, gets a bit more of a “firm tone” from Grandparents, etc. I also know they use timeouts at daycare, something we did for a while, but I’m now leaning away from them because they didn’t work and seem to cause more harm than good. Which ones are the fights worth fighting? Like the top 5 things I want to make sure everyone does the same?

July 1, 2011  

How do you get your toddler to listen?

I am really struggling with my elder daughter in terms of disobedience at the moment. I do know that she is struggling because she doesn’t get as much attention as she used to, since her sister (who is very high need) arrived 7 months ago. I try to give her special time on her own with me as much as possible, and try to do things together with her, like baking cookies etc, with her sister in the baby carrier. Nothing seems to change the rampant disobedience. I can deal with the floor or furniture getting scribbled on – it’s frustrating, but I can handle it. What is really perturbing me are the safety issues. She will do her best to pull her hand out of mine crossing the street or in a car park; running up the driveway to the road; trying to go outside by herself, or into the garage ( which is a real concern as we get snakes in our garage during the summer, and our landscaper recently found a large copperhead a few yards from our garage. I try getting down to her level, looking her in the eye and explaining why I don’t want her to do these things. I empathise, but what usually happens is she kicks and fights and then runs away or will block her ears and shout at me to “stop saying that”. She will repeat the exact same thing that I have just explained to her that I don’t want her to do for x or y reason, the minute I have finished explaining why. And, depending on how many times we have done the same cycle that day, eventually I sometimes put her in time out because I just don’t know what else to do, even though I don’t think it is effective parenting. Some suggestions would be really appreciated

July 1, 2011  

Saying something besides "we don’t" (w/ 16 month old)

I find myself saying “we don’t” a lot to my 16 month old. As in, “we don’t hit,” “we don’t throw our toys,” etc. I just don’t love the sound of it coming out of my mouth. But I’m not sure why. Maybe because it’s a lie? As in, if I’m saying “we don’t” right when he’s doing it, that doesn’t make sense. But I’m not sure what else to say. I do a lot of “please don’t” and I think that’s better. I do try to state the positive instead, “Please use gentle touches,” etc., but sometimes that gets old and doesn’t seem as descriptive. Would love some others’ thoughts!

June 30, 2011  

Do you have a bedtime? Routine? Freestyle? Am I being a stickler?

My 20 month old twins have been having some sleep issues that I believe started with teething and snowballed from there. We have put them on a strict bedtime routine/schedule for the past week, bath at 5:30, milk at 6, bed when asleep (mostly around 6:15). They always get up with the sun, no matter what time they go to sleep, and now it’s at 530 or earlier. Tantrums have subsided, they are happy and playful and curious and carefree as they once were, but now I am scared to stop the routine! Shouldn’t wee keep going to bed this early, at least till the sun decides to sleep in, too? Hubs is quite upset with me because I said we would not be seeing fireworks with the children on July 4th. He wants me to be more lenient. I think 10 is waaaaaay too late to be up! Am I being stubborn? Isn’t it still too close to our “sleep funk” phase to start being that lenient?

June 30, 2011  

How can you gently deal with a toddler’s picky eating habits?

I have a 33 month old son that is an extraordinarily picky eater. He is in the beige stage (chicken, breads, crackers, etc.) and will sometimes tolerate yogurt and fruit. I always offer a broad selection at meal time and place healthy snacks out between meals that he adamantly refuses. The bits of advice that seem to keep popping up amongst our very traditional minded circle of fellow parents are “when he’s hungry he’ll eat.”, “Send him to bed once with an empty stomach and he’ll eat from that point on”, and “force a bite into his mouth”. Obviously, none of these options are acceptable at all to us. Does anyone have tips or tricks to get that first important “hey, this stuff is pretty tasty” bite in? I have no qualms about him refusing a food he truly doesn’t care for, but it’s important that he broadens the palate a bit.

June 30, 2011  

Recent wild tantrums

Hi, I am new here so I hope this question hasn’t been asked a million times already. I have twin two year olds and recently one of them has been having awful tantrums for no reason I can figure out. I know he knows what’s wrong, he just can’t communicate it to me. I’m just not sure how to handle the tantrums–do I just let him flail on the floor wildly, rolling about and flopping all av the room? He won’t let me hold him, or if he does he still screams and flails around like a floppy fish. He also likes to bang his head against the wall and sometimes he even head butts me! I’m just not sure what to do. I consider myself an attached parent and use gentle/positive discipline and I try to learn more everyday as none of my family or friends around me really parent this way. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!!

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